Msindisi Newsletter # 112

January 2, 2014

SALVADOR & DIANNE’S MSINDISI MONTHLY

NUMBER: 112 Jan 2014

PO BOX 1481
VRYHEID 3100
KWAZULU NATAL
SOUTH AFRICA

+27 (0) 728311008
+27 (0) 815836288

Email: msindisi@gmail.com,
salv.di@gmail.com

KwaZulu Mission Website: http://www.kwazulumission.com

Thank you for all who have kept us in prayer, have given financially, have corresponded with us through emails and letters. We have been truly blessed and know that the Lord has heard the prayers of His saints.

As some of you will know already, we had to cut short our trip round South Africa. We visited Stanger and had some wonderful fellowship with the brethren at Calvin Josiah’s assembly in Stanger. During that time we were able to meet up with one of the elders, Mis and his family. We sang at St Luke’s home for people with learning difficulties and we had breakfast with the pastor and his wife of an assembly called Coming King Ministries. Salvador spoke at a couple of meetings and visited pastors on the way to Kokstad to stay with Mark and Marieanne’s son and daughter in law. Salvador was due to preach at Kokstad on the Tuesday evening of the 10th December. That morning we were driving to visit Mark’s mother who still lives in the area when we received a phone call from our local farmer. She had us pull over before she told us the news that there had been a shooting at our home.

As you will know we live with Phumlani, his mother (whom we call Gogo), his brother Walter and also his niece Babhekile with her two children. Babhekile was in a relationship with an older man. He was a no good man who was married, plus had various other children by other women in the area. Against our counsel she engaged in a relationship with this man and then he started abusing her, even after she mothered his daughter, Noluncedo. She got a police order out on him and we encouraged her in saying that she had done the right thing. But against all counsel, both ours and her family’s she went to stay with him after taking her son, Asimbonge, to stay with her mother in Newcastle for his schooling (100-150kms away from us). After we left to go to Stanger we heard that she returned home to Gogo even though her boyfriend had forbidden her. That Tuesday morning the boyfriend, Ndlovu, arrived at the homestead and asked to consult with the family saying that Babhekile was not behaving herself! He was angry that Babhekile had visited Newcastle. This is even though the police order prohibited him from coming into the homestead. Babhekile went to call the police and Ndlovu pulled out a gun, shot her dead and then turned his gun on Phumlani who hit the floor. He shot Phumlani in the head but the bullet went through his scalp and ricochet off his skull and exited his scalp. It was a 38mm bullet shot from close range! Thinking Phumlani was dead he then shot Walter in the leg but the bullet didn’t touch his bone. Ndlovu drove away to another location, phoned his wife and then turned the gun on himself and killed himself. Gogo witnessed the whole event. She is presently battling with late stage cancer and we have been witnessing to her and praying for her salvation. She is a lovely lady who does not judge anyone according to their skin colour or their ethnic background. Phumlani, Walter and Gogo were taken into hospital. Gogo has lost a lot of blood and her blood pressure and blood sugar levels were affected by the ordeal.

The sad thing was that Babhekile, to our knowledge, never accepted the Lord. She knew the gospel as Salvador had taught her at kids club 10 years ago and Celani also taught her after that. We visited them at the hospital the next day. Since Phumlani has been in hospital, he has had severe headaches which have slowly improved. He visited a private doctor who says that his x-ray shows no sign of fracture but she has sent the x-ray to another doctor for a second opinion. Walter had the bullet removed and Gogo had blood given to her. What has added to the pain of this was that Phumlani’s wife, Thabi, took her clothes and ran away while we were in Stanger. At the time no one knew where she was.

The community came round to show their support. Lots of tears shed, weeping and relieving of the events through retelling memories is part of this story telling culture. The funeral arrangements all went smoothly and the funeral was held on the Sunday. Our brethren from Pretoria, Clayton, Karabo and Mujuru arrived 1:30am Saturday morning to support Phumlani at this time. Later that day there was some ancestral tradition of speaking to the dead and sacrificing chickens to the dead. Those who were committed believers refused the chicken as scripture says that the things Gentiles sacrifice to are demons and not God (1 Cor 10:20). Asimbonge was also told on this day what had happened to his mother. He was obviously distraught. One of his cousins, not understand his distress told Di that Asimbonge was hungry. Di held him in her arms and he fell asleep there. That evening the believers met in our home where we ate together and Clayton and Mujuru both shared the word.

We managed to bring some gospel influence in the funeral proceedings. Karabo would open in prayer, Mujuru would preach and Clayton would do the burial rites as they said there was no pastor there to do them. But on the morning of the funeral some Zionist pastors arrived (not part of the movement that defends the right for Jews to have a state of Israel in their land but a syncretistic religion mixing biblical things with ancestral traditions). When they wanted to lead the proceedings we decided that Clayton would step out of the way to allow them to do the burial rites so that none of us had to stand with them and give an appearance of unity. When Mujuru went forward to preach he offered comforting words and encouraged them not to take up a cycle of vengeance but to leave the vengeance to God. He also stated that our lives are such a short time on this earth from God’s perspective and that death comes to us all. He also hit hard against the ancestral traditions, which he was saved out of. One Zionist pastor had an outburst of anger but Mujuru did not get upset but rather waited to see if he should proceed or not. He finished his message, after which the Zionist pastor apologised.

Celani also gave a wonderful testimony of how God gives people opportunities to be saved. That night Salvador was able to witness to Phumlani’s other brother, Simon. Simon asked about God’s justice in the whole thing because Ndlovu killed himself. Salvador told him that God’s wrath now waits for Ndlovu for through that act of killing himself there remains no more opportunity for him to repent and be saved but God was giving Simon another opportunity with every breathe that he breathes. All during the week and throughout the funeral Di served the ladies, wept with them and worked with them. The love of Christ was manifested very clearly through her. Now Gogo has lost Babhekile who used to help her. There are few in the family able to help. Asimbonge and his baby sister will both live with Babhekile’s mother, Thembelihle. It will be a hard road as Thembelihle has five sons already and she works at a clothing factory. They live in a small three roomed township house. Thembelihle stayed till this last Monday. We do not personally celebrate Christmas but we decided to be with Phumlani and the whole family for that time. A Zulu Christmas is very unlike a western Christmas. There is no Christmas tree, no decorations, no Santa, no Christmas presents. Rather what they do is stock up on food and eat nicely over the season. In Zulu you do not ask someone if they had a nice Christmas, but rather you ask a person if they ate nicely over Christmas. We played with the kids, braaied (BBQed) steak and put all our food together.

‘The day after the funeral a colleague of Salvador’s Bible College (King’s Evangelical Bible College http://www.kingsdivinity.org), Thomas Farrar, came to visit with his wife Ayanda. Thomas is a Canadian who married a Zulu lady. He lectures at a University in Cape Town. It was wonderful for Salvador who does not get to meet other students. They were a lovely couple and it was a shame that we only got a little bit of time to spend together.

Now Thembelihle has gone back to Newcastle with 4 of her boys and has left behind Asimbonge with one of her older sons. We will take them through on the tenth of January. We found out a few days ago that Thabi has been found by her brothers in a township near Vryheid and has gone to her mother’s. She is very ill. Phumlani is prayerful about what he should do next. We are staying around for a few weeks till Phumlani is feeling better. Salvador has been asked to lead a wedding in the North West Province at the end of the month. A young lady called Bianca, who visited us a couple of years ago, is engaged to a young Dutch man. We plan to resume our trip at that time and visit the brethren around South Africa. We also have exciting news. The Lord has provided for us to visit Australia and New Zealand during May and June this year so please pray for Phumlani and the brethren this side. We have just visited Thabi today and she is ill but recovering.

On another note, Jonny (who is a member of the cell group) has just lost his mother to cancer last Saturday evening. The funeral will be on Friday afternoon. The blessing is that during her illness she called out to the Lord for forgiveness and had the desire for the word to be read to her.

May the lord bless and keep you all. Until next month !!

Shalom

Salvi and Di

Please pray for:

Complete healing for Phumlani and Walter.

Gogo and Simon’s salvation.

For Thabi’s health and her and Phumlani’s marriage.

For Jonny’s family at this time.

CHAPTER 3

MALE PRIMACY 2: THE MAN’S RESPONSIBILITY

So we have started looking at marriage and the first chapter looked at how God created marriage. It is not a human invention. There is a purpose to marriage. We have to have commitment to marriage and there are responsibilities that we need to undertake in our marriages. This was all based on Genesis 1-2, in the creation. In the last chapter we saw that the man comes first in the marriage but in another sense man and woman are equal. It sounds like a contradiction but it is not. It is very important to hold those two things together. If you only uphold male primacy without the idea of the equality between the man and wife you will have a situation where the wife is abused. But if you uphold the equality between the man and the wife without male primacy you end up with feminism. From there we see that the work of both man and woman was to have dominion on the earth. This is why it is so important to stress that a father and a mother have authority over their children together. It is not the father having authority over his wife and his children but it is father and mother together. The mother’s word is just as good as the father’s word. They both need to be obeyed equally. Then there is fruitfulness. After that we see the purpose of marriage. The primary purpose is not to be alone. God said that it is not good for the man to be alone. This is not a one way thing. Someone was asking if it was only that the man would not be alone. But the thing with loneliness is when you come out of loneliness into fellowship, sharing, communion and companionship it is a two way thing. Sharing is not to happen in a one way context. Sharing is meant to be two way.

So inevitably it has to also be for the woman not to be alone either. But in the beginning there was only the man, therefore it says that it is not good for the man to be alone. So we have companionship. This then goes into commitment. There needs to be a covenant of companionship. It is not merely a matter of coming together to share our lives together. In marriage we are committed to our marriage partners in this agreement till death do us part and that is why marriage is sacred. When we lose this, marriage becomes no big deal, is degraded and becomes common place. Is it any wonder that we see the homosexual lobby destroying the traditional concept of marriage? Is it any wonder that marriages are dissolved just as quickly as there are entered into? Is it any wonder that it is rare to see people make it to their golden wedding anniversary when people have failed to grasp the point that marriage is not a contract but it is a covenant? And because marriage is a covenant, there are obligations. In Genesis we see that the woman was given to be a helper to the man, to compliment him and she is a home maker. And the man has a responsibility to leave and to cleave to his wife. Who initiates the leaving and cleaving? The man does! The woman is to follow the man’s leading. She also leaves and cleaves but the man takes the first step. So these are the things we are working throughout these chapters. In the last chapter we looked at the first point of male primacy from the female perspective in Genesis 3 with the fall of man. We saw that the woman has a great influence in the family. She is very powerful and can exert that influence for evil, ungodliness and deception or she can influence her family for godliness. And that is why scripture does not want women to lose their power. Scripture wants women to use their power, while recognising the male authority, and to utilise her influence in the right way. And the woman will utilise her power for godliness, and will be saved from deceiving her family, if she continues in faith and love with self-control.

But this chapter will deal with the aspect of the male, or the male’s authority in the marriage. There is such a great temptation from either gender when we look at the role of our partner within the marriage. When we look at what God requires of the wife it is easy for the man to think that he is going to make sure his wife understands her role. What we should rather do is to take these things on board for ourselves. I, as a husband, need to pay attention to the issues that will be covered in this chapter. My wife should pay attention to the issues covered in the last chapter. If I look at the issues addressed in the last chapter, concerning my wife, but do not take note and apply the issues that concern my leading in love then I will not encourage my wife to fulfil her role within the marriage. I should lead by example rather than ‘heavy-shepherding’ my wife. The same works the other way round when dealing with the husband’s role. The wife should not nag her husband when he is not performing his role. We should be able to take our roles on board for ourselves.

Genesis 3:1-12.

1Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?” 2The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; 3but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.'” 4The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! 5For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make onewise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. 7Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.

8They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” 10He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.” 11And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” 12The man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.”

Look at what verse 1 says. The serpent comes to the woman but he says, “Indeed has God not said ‘You (guys) shall not eat from any tree of the garden?’”. The word ‘You’ is plural in this verse. In the second verse the woman tells the serpent “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat.” In the fifth verse the serpent says that “God knows that in the day you (guys) eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God knowing good and evil.” And look at what it says in verse 6. “When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.” If you put all these things together it seems to indicate that as the serpent was addressing the woman, and as the woman was speaking with the serpent, Adam was standing with her. Adam was there. If that was the case then why did Adam do nothing? I can imagine that at the beginning of this scene Adam would probably desire to be silent and allow the woman to speak for herself. But why did he refuse to step in and do something about her taking the fruit and eating of it. Eve was deceived but Adam disobeyed.

The man’s accountability to God.

Eve initiated the rebellion. It is not that Eve wanted to rebel, she thought she was doing the right thing. Adam went along with Eve, knowingly. Adam is accountable to God. So we have this scenario where a man and his wife eat of the fruit, they disobey God but the question is, whose fault is it? Who’s fault is the fall?

Romans 5:12-14

12Therefore, just as through one man, sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned, 13for until the Law sin was in the world, but sin is not imputed when there is no law. 14Nevertheless death reigned from Adam until Moses, even over those who had not sinned in the likeness of the offense of Adam, who is a type of Him who was to come.

Who let sin into the world? Adam did, not Eve. Who committed the transgression?

1 Timothy 2:12-14

12But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. 13For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. 14And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived fell into transgression.

Eve fell into the transgression through being deceived. Adam simply transgressed. Adam knowingly sinned and Eve thought she was doing the right thing, though she was not. God put the fault of the fall upon Adam’s shoulders. Adam was accountable to God. Adam did not step up and did nothing to correct his wife or protect her.

Genesis 3:9

9Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?”

After the fall, God comes back into the garden. God knows where Adam is but he wants Adam to open up and confess it. You see the same thing happens with Cain. God asks him, “Where is your brother?” Cain replies, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” God then told Cain exactly what he did. God knows.

Genesis 3:10-12

10He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.” 11And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” 12The man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.”

How typical of human beings! God wants Adam to own up to what he did but instead Adam plays the blame game. According to Adam, it was the woman’s fault and God’s fault! Adam gives his excuse but then he says “And I ate”. Then God goes to the woman because is not concerned about the excuse. God did not ask why Adam ate it. God’s question was whether Adam had eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. All Adam needed to do was to say that he had eaten from it. Adam therefore confessed his sin and therefore God could move on. The same thing happens with the woman. God approaches the man first because the man is accountable to God. Adam is not accountable for the fact that Eve was being deceived per se. Ahab was not accountable for the fact that Jezebel rebelled. What Adam is accountable for is for his role in it and for the effect of his role on everything else, i.e. the dominion, the creation, the family etc. Adam is responsible for himself and his role. Was it God’s fault that Israel rebelled? No. Is God at fault because His people do not listen to Him? No. God did everything that was required of Him to do to cause His people to walk in His ways. The fault did not lie with God but lay with His people. In the same way a man cannot control his wife, in the sense of a mechanical relationship. He cannot press a button and cause his wife to do the right thing. The man must perform his role and if his wife then does not respond to his loving leadership the man’s side is free from guilt. Therefore a man is accountable for himself and how he lead his wife and family. His role is in relation to his marriage, his family and whatever other sphere of stewardship he is entrusted with. The man is accountable for all that.

1 Kings 16:29-34

29Now Ahab the son of Omri became king over Israel in the thirty-eighth year of Asa king of Judah, and Ahab the son of Omri reigned over Israel in Samaria twenty-two years.30Ahab the son of Omri did evil in the sight of the Lord more than all who were before him.

31It came about, as though it had been a trivial thing for him to walk in the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, that he married Jezebel the daughter of Ethbaal king of the Sidonians, and went to serve Baal and worshiped him. 32So he erected an altar for Baal in the house of Baal which he built in Samaria. 33Ahab also made the Asherah. Thus Ahab did more to provoke the Lord God of Israel than all the kings of Israel who were before him. 34In his days Hiel the Bethelite built Jericho; he laid its foundations with the loss of Abiram his firstborn, and set up its gates with the loss of his youngest son Segub, according to the word of the Lord, which He spoke by Joshua the son of Nun.

Ahab already had a problem before he married Jezebel. He was walking in the sins of Jeroboam. Ahab already had rebellion in his heart. Jezebel was the one in the marriage who heavily worshipped Ba’al, her father was named after Ba’al, Ethbaal meaning Ba’al is alive. Jezebel worshipped Asherah. Jezebel had the priests of Ba’al and of Asherah sitting at her table. Jezebel was a huge influence. But what does scripture say? Ahab made the Asherah. Ahab erected the altar to Ba’al and provoked the Lord God more than any of the other kings. Whose fault was it? It was Ahab’s fault.

1 Kings 18:16-19

16So Obadiah went to meet Ahab and told him; and Ahab went to meet Elijah.

17When Ahab saw Elijah, Ahab said to him, “Is this you, you troubler of Israel?” 18He said, “I have not troubled Israel, but you and your father’s house have, because you have forsaken the commandments of the Lord and you have followed the Baals.

Obadiah went to meet Ahab and told him that Elijah was coming. Then Ahab went to meet Elijah. When Elijah confronts Ahab he does not mention Jezebel’s name once. Elijah rather challenges Ahab to measure up to his responsibility. Joshua told Israel that as for him and his house they would serve the Lord. The woman does have a great influence but the man has great responsibility and accountability to the Lord.

2 Chronicles 21:5-6

5Jehoramwas thirty-two years old when he became king, and he reigned eight years in Jerusalem. 6He walked in the way of the kings of Israel, just as the house of Ahab did (for Ahab’s daughter was his wife), and he did evil in the sight of the Lord.

Here we have the influence, strong influence, of Jehoram’s wife but who is doing the evil? Jehoram is because he is responsible. He is accountable to God. As husbands we cannot say, “It is my wife’s fault!” It is not my wife’s fault, it is my fault. I need to bear responsibility because I am the head of the home. Because of male primacy I have more responsibility. This does not mean that the wife has no responsibility, it simply means that I have more. I give an account for myself and my house. I cannot make my wife and my family follow the Lord but I can lead in such a way as to ensure it as much as possible. God did everything for Israel to follow His ways. When God took Israel to court, in Hosea, He remarks, “What more could I have done for My people that I did not do?” That is what God constantly stated through the prophets. God took His people to court in order to show them that His hands were clean. That is what every husband should do, and every parent. They are to show that their hands are clean and they have performed their function and their role and they were fulfilled according to God’s ways and His word. I am accountable for that! Adam did not live up to the responsibility. He was silent when he should have made a stand. He should have said the word and forbid their eating of the fruit. Instead, he was silent and followed his wife. Ahab did not fulfil his role. It was not even in his heart to do so, he was rebellious anyway. Jehoram did not fulfil his responsibility. He rather followed his wife. God then says, “You are doing the evil!”

A Leadership of Love and Cherishing

There is another aspect of this authority that I want to address in order to demonstrate how serious it is that we treat our wives and families in a godly way.

Matthew 24:45-51

45″Who then is the faithful and sensible slave whom his master put in charge of his household to give them their food at the proper time? 46Blessed is that slave whom his master finds so doing when he comes. 47Truly I say to you that he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 48But if that evil slave says in his heart, ‘My master is not coming for a long time,’ 49and begins to beat his fellow slaves and eat and drink with drunkards; 50the master of that slave will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour which he does not know, 51and will cut him in pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites; in that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

This parable carries with it a general truth. Jesus puts certain servants in charge of other servants. When a man is married in the faith he needs to recognise a very important truth.

Romans 16:1

1I commend to you our sister Phoebe, who is a servant of the church which is at Cenchrea;

Phoebe is a servant of the Church in Cenchrea.

Romans 16:3

3Greet Prisca and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus,

Prisca is the wife and Aquila is the husband. Paul not only regards Aquila as a fellow worker but also Prisca.

Romans 16:12

12Greet Tryphaena and Tryphosa, workers in the Lord. Greet Persis the beloved, who has worked hard in the Lord.

Tryphaena and Tryphosa were both women and both classed as Christ’s workers.

What are our Christian wives to be regarded as? Our Christian wives are servants of the living God. Therefore, when a husband treats his wife abusively, what will God do to that man? What will God do to him when he beats his fellow servant and eats and drinks with the drunkards? Jesus says that He will assign such a man a place with the hypocrites, in the place of weeping and gnashing of teeth. God takes it very seriously that a man performs his role as the head of the home with respect for his fellow servants, especially of his wife. She is a fellow servant with him. But the man is a servant set over his fellow servant. He is accountable to God. “I gave you this servant for you to be steward over, give an accounting of your stewardship!” It is a scary thing because when it comes to marriage, with our wives, our husbands and our children, it is just so familiar. We live with these people day in and day out. We can forget just how sacred this thing and these relationships actually are. It is extremely holy and our role within marriage is highly significant to God. On the other hand, when you have a person that performs his service to God, whether that be as a husband, a wife, a parent, a church worker, whatever it is, if he performs it well, God will tell such a person, “Well done you good and faithful servant.” God wants us to succeed. That is why He writes about these things in His word.

The importance of dialogue with the wife.

Even though the man is the head and ultimately his word stands in the home, man should dialogue with his wife. Dialogue implies a two way communication. A man’s role within his marriage is not that of a dictator. The man is not dictating everything to his wife. The man makes decisions based on his dialogue with his wife. There is a difference.

Genesis 3:17

17Then to Adam He said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat from it’;

God says that the reason He is judging Adam is because Adam listened to the voice of his wife. So what does this indicate concerning a husband’s role? What should we learn from this? It may sound like men should not listen to their wives. “Don’t ever listen to your wives.” Then you would not ever need to dialogue with your wife, just dictate. Though it is true that a man can get into big trouble by listening to the voice of his wife this is not the whole story.

Genesis 16:1-6

1Now Sarai, Abram’s wife had borne him no children, and she had an Egyptian maid whose name was Hagar. 2So Sarai said to Abram, “Now behold, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Please go in to my maid; perhaps I will obtain children through her.” And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. 3After Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Abram’s wife Sarai took Hagar the Egyptian, her maid, and gave her to her husband Abram as his wife. 4He went in to Hagar, and she conceived; and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her sight.5And Sarai said to Abram, “May the wrong done me be upon you. I gave my maid into your arms, but when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her sight. May the Lordjudge between you and me.” 6But Abram said to Sarai, “Behold, your maid is in your power; do to her what is good in your sight.” So Sarai treated her harshly, and she fled from her presence.

Remember that God promised to give Abraham a son but Sarah was barren and both she and Abraham were old and getting older. Sarah thus has a wonderfully amazing idea! Sarah makes a plan because the husband does not seem to be doing anything about it. So Sarah thinks she needs to step up and initiate a solution otherwise it will never happen. Abraham did not protest at the idea of having a son through Hagar. Just like Adam, he went along with his wife’s advice. We need to understand that this was a common practice. When a wife was barren the husband would take a concubine and she would produce a child and as she was giving birth to the child she would sit between the knees of the wife as if the wife was having a child through the concubine. Therefore, it was nothing for Sarai to offer Hagar to Abraham in light of the culture they grew up in. But after Hagar conceived she started too think that she was better than Sarai. Therefore Sarai blames Abraham for Hagar’s treatment of her. But who’s idea was it? Sarai said that it was Abraham’s fault. But Abraham then tells his wife that she can do to Hagar whatever she wants to do. Abraham was not performing his function as the head of the home. Abraham is listening to the voice of his wife.

Genesis 21:8-14

8The child grew and was weaned, and Abraham made a great feast on the day that Isaac was weaned.

9Now Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, whom she had borne to Abraham, mocking. 10Therefore she said to Abraham, “Drive out this maid and her son, for the son of this maid shall not be an heir with my son Isaac.” 11The matter distressed Abraham greatly because of his son. 12But God said to Abraham, “Do not be distressed because of the lad and your maid; whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her, for through Isaac your descendants shall be named. 13And of the son of the maid I will make a nation also, because he is your descendant.” 14So Abraham rose early in the morning and took bread and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar, puttingthem on her shoulder, and gave her the boy, and sent her away. And she departed and wandered about in the wilderness of Beersheba.

For a godly husband it is not as simple as saying that he will not listen to the voice of his wife at all. Abraham and Sarah have a child together, Isaac, and Isaac is the child of promise. When Sarah wanted to throw out Hagar and Ishmael, this distressed Abraham. Even though Ishmael was not the son of promise he was still Abraham’s son. But God told Abraham to listen to Sarah in whatever she tells him. Thus it is not as simple as saying that a man should not listen to his wife. What does this teach us? It teaches us that a man needs to dialogue with his wife. When a major decision needs to be made in the family, a man needs first to talk things through with his wife. But the man needs to be careful not to listen to his wife when the thing is outside of God’s will. But when the thing is in God’s will he must listen to his wife, otherwise he is not performing his function as a man accountable to God.

When a wife gives godly advice from God’s word and the husband refuses to submit to that advice, who is he refusing to submit to? He is refusing to submit to God. The reason being is because she has not spoken from herself, but she has spoken from the Lord. That means that our role as husbands is not to either reject or accept whatever our wives say unconditionally. A wife also needs to understand that sometimes it takes a guy a little while to discern if it is the right thing to do or not. Therefore the wife needs to respect that and be patient. But the man needs to seriously consider and seek the Lord’s will on the matter. Then based on the conversation and dialogue, through discussing the issues with his wife, then he will hopefully make the decision that will most be honouring to God. This is not like parents may be with children. When you tell your kid to make their room, and he says, “No, I don’t want to” you may respond by saying, “Don’t argue with me, just make your room!” That is dictatorship. The parents’ word is law. But it is not like that with a husband and a wife. They need to talk about things together.

Ephesians 5:18-21

18And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, 19speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord;20always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; 21and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

As we share God’s word with one another, male or female, when God is speaking to us either through a man or through a woman, and if we discern that it is the Lord speaking, then we need to submit. A man needs to dialogue with his wife because the Lord may be speaking through her. The Lord may not be speaking through her but how will the husband know if he merely dictates and does not talk through the issues and listen to what she has to say. The man needs to discern for he needs to give account to the Lord. It is a big responsibility.

The husband is a provider for the family.

Genesis 3:17-19

17Then to Adam He said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat from it’;

Cursed is the ground because of you;

In toil you will eat of it

All the days of your life.

18″Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you;

And you will eat the plants of the field;

19By the sweat of your face

You will eat bread,

Till you return to the ground,

Because from it you were taken;

For you are dust,

And to dust you shall return.”

The curse is on the ground. God tells Adam that in toil he shall eat from the ground all the days of his life. Both thorns and thistles the ground will grow for him. By the sweat of his face, Adam will eat bread till he returns to the ground. This is the curse that God spoke in view of Adam. This shows us that the husband has a responsibility to provide for the family. This does not mean that the wife cannot contribute towards the provision of the family. In Proverbs 31 the wife is also providing for the family. In Ruth there are maidservants working in the field with the men. They are both working in the farming industry. But even though both man and woman may provide for the family, the husband has the responsibility to provide. It rests on his shoulders but the husband and wife do it together. So the man is told that he has this responsibility to provide with a cursed land to work with. By the sweat of his face he will eat his bread till he returns to the ground.

1 Timothy 5: 4

4but if any widow has children or grandchildren, they must first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family and to make some return to their parents; for this is acceptable in the sight of God.

So you have a woman who’s husband dies. Paul says that instead the assembly providing for her, her family is to provide for her. She and her husband raised their children. Now it is time for the children to return the favour. The children need to care for the parents because the widow cannot look after herself.

1 Timothy 5:8

8But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

So if the man throws his mother out onto the street and tells her to fend for herself when she has no way to provide for herself, God says that such a man is worse than an unbeliever. But this is a general rule. “If any man does not provide for his own, especially for those of his household”; that extends to his wife and to his children. Thus, generally speaking, is it not the fact that a guy tends to feel the burden of providing for his family more than his wife? He feels he needs to make ends meet, and there is a certain amount of shame when his wife is providing for the family if he is not able. In that case he feels some sort of loss of masculinity or feels that he is not fulfilling his responsibility acutely. It is because it is the way God made us. That, of course, is generally speaking for there are always exceptions. People can be very different but from what I have seen it is the way things are.

Matthew 24:45-47

Jesus is obviously using this parable to speak of something spiritual. But it works in the physical realm also. The man is God’s servant put in charge of God’s other servant, his wife, to give them food at the proper time. As spiritual men we cannot only be concerned with the physical nurture of our wives and children but also concerning their spiritual nurture. In this parable Jesus is using a physical thing to speak of a spiritual thing. The husband has a responsibility. In verses 46-47 we see that there is a reward if we fulfil this role. It obviously applies to wives in regards to their motherly care over children but in the context of this chapter we see it applies even more so to husbands because of the primary place a husband occupies within a marriage. There are going to be rewards for faithful parents, faithful husbands and faithful leaders because we have a sphere of influence and authority that God has given us. In marriage it is that of a husband over a wife. In family it is the husband and wife over their children. In business it is of partners over their employees. In the assembly it is of elders over the flock. If we exercise authority in a biblical way, properly, responsibly and obediently God will reward us with greater responsibility and influence in the kingdom.

So it is a big call to be a husband but it is a blessed calling. This is why wives need to respect their husbands, not because husbands are better than their wives. In some cases wives need to respect their husbands despite their inferiority in certain things. In light of the creation we can see that God made man first, but also in light of the call that God has called the man to, we can see that God has called the man to make righteous decisions. The man must do everything possible to prevent apostasy within his family. The man is to preserve and to protect his family from the dangers. A man must dialogue and reason with his wife, he must understand her and hear what she is saying. He must then be open to what the Lord will reveal to him to discern if her counsel was from the Lord or not. The husband also has a responsibility for provision and to maintain the health and wholeness and shalom of the family for it rests on his shoulders even though both husband and wife may provide for the family together.